A Gush of Blood


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“…2016: In Transit. I’d live this year like it was my last. I have to regain the desperation of the flow of my inspiration. I have to work on what my soul truly speaks to. I must have the plunge of my life.”. These were the exact words I wrote on one of my late December 2015 journals that I knew had look upon which I didn’t want to go unattended.

What is funny is that I came across a specific person who did think it was too early to think that one could be too young to be lost saying, “You’re just 17/18.”. That was also the familiar tone I heard when I had second thoughts on my life choices. But when can we possibly tell that are we ready or not?

No one knows. The numbers cannot define. The will must be a constant.

Currently as for my personal experience, it has long been the up-down-up ride of consciousness of my own creativity and for the past few months, I’ve been struggling to find words to write and even the images to conjure in my mind. I seemed to feel that I wasn’t progressing. This was by far the longest time I have been “idle” or in the bottom level of recovery (which wasn’t really getting any better)– based on my usual heavy and filled schedule activities that I did like it was as essential as breathing. Of course, there will come the time that one person will feel shamed (in a bad way) or something like a dry spell.

” Who knows where inspiration comes from. Perhaps it arises from desperation. Perhaps it comes from the flukes of the universe, the kindness of the muses. ”

Amy Tan

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Photo by Sofia Cope | Layout by Yours Truly

In the same light, I have always remembered saying I had to have an artistic support group (in case of emergencies or the urgent need to spread my ideas like wildfire). The thought just felt it truly resonated with me since I love the idea of exchange of ideas and conversations between 2 or more people. Then after almost exactly 9 months of the long wait, I came across Sofia Cope and Kiki Nerva’s Bloodrush Experience Retreat for creatives she calls “seekers” that are looking for some learning and a shot of creative awakening in their own ways. I did not hesitate to join this creative recovery retreat, and it definitely did not disappoint.

The day retreat was definitely an immersion of change and realization of the different moments, life details that a creative journey’s through his or her life. In the process, I was deluged with a slingshot back to my writing, inspiring shared stories of Sofia and Kiki themselves as thriving artists and how they overcame their “droughts”, personal branding through authenticity, how to choose your own creative business, a retreat ritual and a flow of energy and refocusing through yoga and spiritual guidance with Guru Dada.

This is the only event that I felt intimate, naked and vulnerable with my co-seekers. This is definitely and will always be one of the highlights of my year that have made the days seem a full stream of colors and unending blessing of the muses. In a capsule, I’ve learned the 5 greatest highlights in any artistic journey.

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“Work and start seeing flowers crawling to you, growing on you.” Keep on working, connecting and knowing about the world you live in.

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1.) Get filled.

Be a sponge that keeps on absorbing. Being an open book open to possibilities will open up a lot of opportunities and unexplored ideas. It can be part of your artistic fuel of motivation and inspiration and also a part of your incorporated goals to integrate in your own style and craft. At the moment, this is the phase I think I need to fuel on which will push me further to experiment and explore more.

2.) Expand your purpose and your goals.

Keep your goals open-ended– do something that will lead to purpose that can lead to another purpose. Ex. I would want to excel in my visual art skills…to help other visual artist enthusiasts through teaching.

3.) Realize the Void you would like to fill.

Choose the questions you’d like to answer and the problems you’d like to solve. Be the personification of the person you’d like to be in terms of traits, attitude and thinking patterns. Be your own dream boss serving your dream profile audience.

3.) Exercise your muscle

Be eager to work the extra mile for your artistic endeavors, slowly everyday, with progress that builds up to your timeframe. Even though one might feel uninspired to do something– a small work or tidbit can make the difference.

4.) Keep rituals alongside projects.

Burnout is usual so we should learn to have short breaks of other kinds of artistic “experiment” zone for us to loosen our sometimes getting-uptight feels on our current projects and task at hand.

The stars have truly aligned for someone as spiritually and artistically in need of guidance or some sort of zest. I’d like to thank Sofia and Kiki for this wonderful experience since I truly learned a lot in shaping my own path. I’ve been enlightened again and again and by far, this is the most eye-opening for young millennials like me who thrive on creating and becoming a collaborative and community-based interest and lifestyle that advocated to inspire more people. I am also grateful for the new handful of inspiring, driven women I’ve met and I’ve made friends with. Special thanks to Rachel for breaking the ice for me and to the lovely ladies at the event.

The current society– a great sample that is present in the event, continually lives to conspire against norms in the concept of boring and ordinary pushes us in a direction that will lead us to find the perfect story and telling the story through lifestyle choices and actions.

      Bloodrush was full of firsts– first try in Yoga, first to meet like-minded people I have actually interacted with intimately, first time to be purely vegan eating for a day and first time to be so relaxed, I literally slept during one yoga pose.

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I’d like to share these short piece I’ve made from the retreat’s writing workshop segment:

on myself:

If you knew Clarisse , she’d be the person who would be the most quiet yet the most eager to know anyone, at any place. She lives for random, light to heavy conversations with strangers and familiar faces. She thrives on the growth and happiness she surrounds herself, with the hopes of giving her fair share of love for the universe. She would love to go on adventures, and have peace within her mind and heart. She might have been lost the whole time, she said once. But she firmly believes in the great desperation for human connection that pushes her to create, inspire and do something that keep her living her life. 

on my passion:

My reason behind my love for visual arts is that we are transported in a different dimension of realization, with sometimes opens our mind and an open interpretation of the world. Realizations of the different issues, taboos, emotions, and even nothingness could mean a change or spark to another person. 

The domino effect of sharing, feeling and processing involves an idea of travelling from one perspective to another, slowly added with different references, when molded into one sphere, creates a vision of the world’s good, bad and anything in between. Creating a representation of the ever unique vision you have, the vision that has the ability to change the world.

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In a wrap, the push I needed to leap and grab that idea and devour on it. We are all in a process of getting inspiration. What is left is to remember it’s there, airborne, waiting for us.

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In other news, since my break just started, back to some regular programming. More posts coming up for the next weeks. Stay tuned.

Love and light~

S.S., signing out.